I was a bookworm growing up, and words, accents, and manners of speech occupy a very special place in my heart-brain continuum. I started with poems as a kid and became enamored with rap as a medium for self-expression. I’m not the best performer, but I enjoy rapping and composing rhymes.
So I drives down the highway and arrive at my work I grab a banana; FruitGuys is a perk Thunderbolt cable in, now I’m ready to go Git checkout a branch of our devteam repo The branch is a feature, we use them a lot Phabricator recommends… that’s all I got So allow me to talk about the wonders of git It’s quite amazing, once you learn more of it Being able to undo, gives you lots of power Reverting changes now won’t take you an hour… Because you can simply git stash 'em away, Then bring 'em all back when you’re ready to play Switch branches like a monkey, to try new changes Based on different upstreams, different commit ranges And when it’s time to complain about bad code Just gitk that sh*t, you got the motherlode To git blame the exact right person or two Yeah now you show them, who’s the real foo
I go to Phabricator and refresh the diff I look around sneaky, and catch a whiff My code ain’t buggy but it sure got some smells I’m not so sure the review will go over well But that’s quite alright, I’ll be okay, I’ll make the changes, and then I’ll pray That Ben Komalo will finally accept my review So that I can ship, and get a fish (wahoo). To rest of the team, that’s obsessed with shippin I’m embarrassed to say, my ship date’s been slippin. But fear not y’all, it’s coming along In deciding to hire, I’ll prove you weren’t wrong. I’m learning a ton, about schedule and code For me it has been quite a well-balanced load.
This rap came to mind the night before the Fall 2008 Duke ECE 27 (Electrical and Computer Engineering intro course) Integrated Design Competition (IDC), a line-following robot competition. The theme for the competition was the board game Clue, and teams were named for weapons in the game. My team was “Lead Pipe”. FCIEMAS (pronounced “see-moss”) is one of the main engineering buildings at Duke. Obama’s recent victory in the 2008 presidential election was on my mind, as was the financial crisis. The various other proper nouns refer to my teammates.
Yo, it's 7pm. I'm in FCIEMAS again. I share a high ten with O-riana Wen. How bout Kaiting Chen? on time like Big Ben. but always so zen, unlike me, but then... I see Nabila Haque, she say, what's up, doc? Uh not a lot 'sides a short circuit shock It wake St. Chang up like the win of Barack Pretty soon Team Lead Pipe, we be ready to rock... Then... in walks Ga-Young, yeah she so aplomb, And "yo" speaks the tongue of In-du Manickam. With IDC 'most complete, up high rises the heat All prepare for defeat in the likes of Wall Street No one can compete with our E-1337 fleet! Alright, back to work, we got code to delete...
Aww split, get Eclipse ready cause it's about to go down (Dukie, yeah) Everybody in the lab snarf the code direct (Dukie, yeah) And get ready to write some monkey fightin code We running this, let's go I'm writing code (I'm writing code) I'm writing code (I'm writing code) Everybody look at me 'cause I'm writin lots of code (typing up the code) I'm writing code (I'm writing code) I'm writing code Take a good hard look at the comments in my code I'm writing code wrapping up my weekly APTs Submit my files to the server all I see is green I finished Word Ladder, but, that's not all I wrote I did the extra credit too while I'm writing code Take a screenshot (click) I'm writing code (clack) And the method drinkChamp() Is next on the stack I got my D-latches And my flippie-floppies I'm releasing my beta version, and Your GUI's still choppy I'm compressing data, flipping bits and shit The dolphin's splashin, gettin everybody all wet But this is COMPSCI100, not COMPSCI6 I just compressed the King James bible into one kilobit I'm writing code and It's running fast and My algorithm's used by David Huffman I'm the king of the nerds Writing code like Turing If you use my code Then moot is big-Oh Wake this schmuck up, this class is REAL! Screw parties, I'm writing code, monkey fighter (monkey fighter) Screw food, I eat bytes, monkey fighter (monkey fighter) I'm in the lab with my class, monkey fighter This JVM make noise, monkey fighter Hey ola, if you could see me now (see me now) Victory song playing in the background ("Never Gonna Give You Up" or "Row, Row, Row Your Boat" plays shortly) Gonna write code 'til their defenses break down Like Alan Turing, any code is breakable Yeah, never thought I'd be writing code I'm in big green lottery mode (yeah) Astrachan Look at me, oh (all hands on deck) Never thought I'd make an array And didn't have to allocate space Believe me when I say I hugged a T.A. I'm writing code I'm writing code Everybody look at me 'cause I'm writin lots of code (woah) I'm writing code I'm writing code Take a good hard look at the comments in my code (sha-sha-Dukie, Dukie, yeah)
I did epilepsy research on Long-Evans rats in my senior year of high school and the summer after. This short little ditty goes to the tune of Eminem’s “Without Me”.
Now this looks like a place to be So all you rats, make sure you're free You could use a little, vitamin D Cuz it's just not right, captivity
I wrote this a long time ago (like, in elementary or middle school), but uh… I’m still proud of it. Hehe.
There once was a piece of wheat bread, Who would not get out of his bed. They put him outside, Where his weak body fried, But instead of wheat toast, he was dead.
Kathy Huang, Darren Li, John Li, Shravan Sarvepalli, and I wrote this ditty in celebration of the union of our good friends Cathy Gao and Fred Howard on Saturday, May 23, 2015.
It was performed to the tune of an abridged version of the repetitive rap classic “Black And Yellow” by Wiz Khalifa.
Yeah, uh huh, you know what it is Fred and Cathy Fred and Cathy Fred and Cathy Fred and Cathy Yeah, uh huh, you know what it is Now they married Now they married Now they married Now they married Yeah, uh huh you know what it is E’rrthin they do, they do it big Yeah, uh huh, screaming that's nothin' When they do physicals, that's somethin' It’s okay when they do it, cuz they marryin’ Gao and Howard Gao and Howard Gao and Howard Gao and Howard He take the ring put it down on her finger, it’s on White and yellow White and yellow White and yellow White and yellow White dress, purple tie He lookin’ good in it, but them bros ain't Yeah, uh huh, you know what it is Honeymooning, and makin’ kids Yeah, uh huh, Neuro that's somethin' Doin internal med, Fred frontin’ They did it big in Ann Arbor, next in New Haven Fred and Cathy Fred and Cathy Fred and Cathy Fred and Cathy Come to the house to see Frathy and their cats are all like Meow meow meow meow Meow meow meow meow Meow meow meow meow Meow meow meow meow Illinois, just passin’ through Met at boarding’ school but then... Went to Cornell U Northwestern University Think they’re chic but they’re super geek They wanna fun with them cats, board games, Starcraft, get fly, take trips and that's that Stuff piled high, but they can deal with that, Combustible landfill, Time ta get rid of some crap Yeah, uh huh, you know what it is ... Yeah, uh huh, you know what it is ... Reppin' CloverEats yeah you see her tastin’ everything Feed her behbehs Feed her behbehs Feed her behbehs Feed her behbehs He break things down from the top to the pundamentals Benjamin and Benjamax and Benjamin and Benjamax and Yeah, uh huh, you know what it is E’rrthin they do, they do it big Yeah, uh huh lovin’ that’s somethin’ When she walk down the aisle, she stunnin’ Lookin’ round when he sees her, she’s his everything Fred and Cathy Fred and Cathy Fred and Cathy Fred and Cathy They give their all as a couple love and cherish, yeah Now they married Now they married Now they married Now they married
A song-thing for my friends Kelsey and Steven, which I later realized could go to the instrumentals of “Who we be” by DMX:
To Steven and Kelsey, one heckuva pair. You’ve got heart, humor, and brains to spare. So grateful to know you, we are, it’s true, You’re so sweet and gracious, and know kung-fu (or at least Kelsey seems pretty capable). You model how best to overachieve While maintaining an excellent joie de vivre. Kelsey, saving the planet and four-legged friends. Steven, researching and saving the lives of mens. I slept on your couch in Escondido Village Safe I was, from plunder and pillage Can’t thank you enough for your hospitality; I felt so welcome, in totality. Kelsey and Steven, here’s to you two! May the fun and your growth forever continue. You inspire us to be a better team. Keep fighting the good fight, and reach for your dreams!
A ditty in celebration of my coworker Craig’s new baby:
it's taking me a while-o to think up a rhyme for mil-o congrats, craig-mary on shipping your baby pics got us tripping he's so adorbs, mad cute and your blogposts are a hoot can't wait to touch his little feet Khan-grats on the serious feat
And this one to celebrate my friend Luou on his 21st birthday:
i know a kid named ouluou. he makes us all go "wow wow wow!" he plays bananagrams like the koolaid man and if he can't dance, then no one can his video portfolio is off the wall and without fail he'll make you LOL he smiles like youtube's tan hong ming as wide as can be, with extra zing he's doing economics like deng xiaoping low-fat and lithe, kinda like weiping i ain't gonna force anyone to sing of luou's great deeds... he's already the king!